DAILYDOSED: My Immortal
by your.daily.dose.of.fanfic
Summary: The infamous Tara Gilesbie classic, bearing the title of the "Worst FanFiction Ever Written", re-uploaded and DAILY-DOSED for your convenience.
1. Introduction

_A/N:_

_This may or may not violate FanFiction guidelines HOWEVER __FanFiction explicitly states that "commentary is not allowed to be inserted in the the regular flow of a story". Since 'My Immortal has no flow at all, I believe my commentary is a-okay._

_I felt like I had to post this because well, I think this masterpiece of a story needed to be introduced back into the FanFiction community. __Your reviews are appreciated!_

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**MY IMMORTAL**

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This is a repost of the great FanFiction classic, _My Immortal_, written by the gifted and talented(at being bad) writer, Tara Gilesbie. This magnificent volume not only includes the original, un-edited Gilesbie classic, but it also comes **FREE!** with commentary by yours truly.

This abysmal piece of ex-FanFiction was posted on in 2006 and was an immediate hit, gaining over ten thousand flames from Fanfiction community members worldwide. To the shock of many, Fanfiction had the nerve and the audacity to delete _My Immortal_ off its site in 2008. Many brave and noble people have reposted this story many times but the posts were deleted shortly after.

The story of _My Immortal_ is based off Harry Potter, although it is so royally screwed up that you probably wouldn't know that it was _Harry Potter_ Fanfiction if I hadn't told you beforehand; I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW UNTIL SOMEONE TOLD ME.

_My Immortal_ is infamous for its rape of canon, _Harry Potter_ characters and the English language thus, earning the much-deserved title of _The Worst Piece of Fanfiction_ to ever grace the interwebs.


	2. Chapter 1

_A/N:_

_I am sure that the parts that I posted are part of the original and unedited version of My Immortal._

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**CHAPTER 1**

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_AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) 2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!_

**Hmmm...I've got a bad feeling about this already**_  
_  
Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

**How can you be named after your hair colour if you were just born? And what kind of a name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way?**

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

**So...you want to be related to a guy you are sexually attracted to?**

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.

**No, I couldn't tell that you were a goth beforehand. Your powers of description never cease to confuse me.**

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

**I'm sorry, Ebony...Tara...whatever your name is. I actually don't give a damn about what Hot Topic crap you're wearing. Get on with the bloody story.**

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

**Preps? As in first years? Or has the word 'prep' got a different meaning to what I know?**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…...Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away._  
_

**What's up with the pointless ellipse between 'was' and 'Draco'? I don't know about Draco's full personality, but I am 100% sure that Draco Malfoy is not shy.**

_AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!_

**No, it sucks.**


	3. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

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_AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!_

**Wait. You actually had ****help**** with this chapter? Are you kidding me?**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.

**I know Hogwarts is all magical and everything but surely there can't be snow ****and**** rain at the same time?**

I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

**One again, I do not give a damn about what goffik crap you're wearing. **

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me.

**Great, another self insert.**

She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

**God, you even describe what gothic crap your self-insert friend is wearing. And who the hell is Raven?**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

**Well speak of the devil...**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

**Wow. What an interesting conversation!**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

**Wait, how the hell would a self-obsessed pure-blood guy like Draco like a Muggle band? And haven't Ebony and Draco only known each other for like, a day?**


	4. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

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_AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte._

**Well, maybe if your story didn't suck so much, maybe people won't "flamm" your story.**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.

**Corset stuff? What the hell is corset _stuff_?**

I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

**Because slitting your wrists will totally cheer you up.**

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

**Where did you get the human blood? No doubt you attacked some poor Hogwarts student, and drained them of their blood.**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.

**Wait, Draco has a flying car? Doesn't he have a broom or something?**

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

**And this is relevant...how?**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

**It was just so depressing that you had to put an exclamation mark at the end**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert.

**Great, Draco is now a sadistic emo guy with a flying Mercedes-Benz.**

On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

**Where did you get the drugs from? Someone call Lucius Malfoy and tell him his son is smoking pot with a sadistic, emo, gothic, vampire, witch...thing...**

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

**God, Draco is more sadistic than I thought...**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

**For a stuck up snob, Draco is pretty insecure.**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

**Her face is blonde? I don't recall Hilary Duff having a yellow face.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into…... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...the Forbidden Forest!

**Clearly, you are trying to break the world record of 'longest ellipse ever'.**


	5. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

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_AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!  
_

**Huh? Sorry, I don't speak retard.**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

**You might want to put the flying car on the ground before you get out of it.**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

**Because when you look at depressed and evil eyes, you just feel all warm and fuzzy inside!**

And then…... ... ...suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately.

**Clearly, you have a thing for unnecessarily long ellipses.**

Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

**His thingie? Your you-know-what? I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then….

**Considering that the normal body temperature is 37 degrees Celsius, your body would be warm anyway.**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was…... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...Dumbledore!

**You are obviously opting for the longest ellipse world record. Wait, did Dumbledore just swear at his students? Wow.**


	6. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

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_AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!_

**You could have mentioned the fact that Dumbledeor had a headache before you called us preps and "posrs". Gee, Tara.**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

**What about the car?**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

**Personally, I thing Ludacris' rap music is a bit weird as well.**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.

**Bloody hell. There is something wrong with you.**

Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

**Huh? Did Dumbledore send them a telepathic message beforehand? Or are McGonagall and Snape just angry because they are sadistic emotionally unstable goffs as well?**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

**Come on! Let Snape finish his question!**

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

**Nice how Snape just brushes it off like it is nothing.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte.

**Was Draco was in the girls' dorm?**

I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there.

**I'm right with you with that one.**

We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**The bathroom is **_**much**_** more interesting.**


	7. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

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_AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!_

**Then don't update!**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

**Last time I checked, Hogwarts had a uniform.**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.

**Hardcore!**

Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.

**Why would you even bother explain that he didn't have a scar or glasses anymore when we didn't even know that he was _supposed_ to have them before?**

He had a manly stubble on his chin.

_**A**_** manly stubble. He had one piece of stubble on his chin.**

He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

**What? I wasn't thinking anything!**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.

**What? Harry Potter is now a sadistic emo guy who has changed his name to Vampire?**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

**Damn, Harry must be deaf. You had to ROAR at him.**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

**What a wonderful ending to such a wonderful chapter!**


	8. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

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_AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!  
_

**"TIN god vons!" Are you German?**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).

**Yes.**

I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

**But this is Hogwarts. Draco doesn't have his own room. He shares it with like, 10 other guys.**

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.

**Enthusiasm! That's the spirit!**

He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants.

**A leather bra? That doesn't sound too comfortable...**

We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

**What? Sex? No, but your description is.**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire!

**Sounds like something that you can put on an episode of **_**Neighbours**_**.**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

**Wait, if Vampire was having a lesson, shouldn't you be at a lesson as well?**


	9. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8**

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_AN: stop flassing ok! if u do de prep!_

**Flassing?**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

**LOL. Draco just ran into a room full of people with no clothes on.**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born.

**Hermione? Did you just throw a random name in there?**

Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it.

**Wouldn't Voldemort have killed her dad if he was there as well?**

She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed.

It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

**Last time I checked, you couldn't switch houses. Also, do all the depressed emo goffs go to Slytherin?**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

**God, he sounds like a twat.**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart.

**Random POV change?**

He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

**I really don't see the connection.**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

**Virility? Isn't that something that applies only to guys?**


	10. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

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_AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!_

**But Dumbledore doesn't swear in the movie... And Snape is Christian?**

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose

**We heard.**

_(basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was… Voldemort!_

_"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away._

_"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream._

**Crookshanks is a **_**cat**_**, not a spell.**

_I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped._

**Stopped the cat?**

_"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"_

**And now Voldemort speaks in faux Elizabethan English.**

_I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?_

_"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back._

_Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged._

**Wait, what's the point of having a wand if you're going to use a gun to kill someone?**

_"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"  
_

**Hmm...tough choice. Kill the emo sadist, or the other emo sadist?**

_"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way._

_Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face._

**I can **_**totally**_** imagine that**

"_I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly._

**You mean "I can communicate telepathically", right?**

"_And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick._

**That is the worst attempt at writing Elizabethan English I have ever seen.**

_I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods._

_"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"_

_"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way._

**So if Joel Madden and Gerard Way had a baby, it would be Draco?**

_"Are you okay?" I asked._

_"No." he answered._

_"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled._

_"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out._

**Both of you must be pretty talented to be able to make out and walk at the same time.**


	11. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

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_AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!_

**I am not a gay cigarette!**

_I was really scared about Vlodemort all day._

**Because a person with a name such as 'Vlodemort' is very scary**

_I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR._

**So basically, you sound like a man.**

_The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.)_

**Diabolo? Isn't that a juggling prop?**

_and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak)_

**So, Draco is a vampire and the only way you can kill him is if you get a cross or shove a sirloin steak in his face. Am I right?**

_and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not._

**No, you really are.**

_We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears._

_"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice._

_"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.  
Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall._

**Well, speak of the devil again!**

_"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)_

**Yes.**

_I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying._

_We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache._

**You don't get fiery eyes from a headache anyway**

_"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely._

**How do you cry wisely?**

_(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y)_

"_Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists."_

**Okay, let me show everyone something from a few sentences back:**

"_**I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak)"**_

**Consistency please!**


	12. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

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_AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!  
_

**Well, from what I have read in the past few chapters, I can deduce that this chapter will be as 'srupid' as all the other ones before it.**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied!

B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself.

**I'm sure B'loody Mary appreciates that.**

Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume.

**You do realize you have to **_**share**_** that bathroom with all the other girls, right?**

I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.

**Meat is actually quite deadly.**

I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly.

I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.

**Six pairs! It's a wonder you still have ears...**

I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

**What exactly was Lupin chewing? His broomstick or the video tape?**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!"

**But how can you be naked when you're wearing a "**_**black low-cut dress with lace all over it**_**"?**

I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

**Isn't this the girls' bathroom?**

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.

**Vampire has a womb?**

I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.

**So, you wander around Hogwarts not with a wand, but a **_**gun**_**. Really now?**

Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in.

**Do the male population of Hogwarts not understand what the concept of a ****GIRLS' BATHROOM**** is?**

"Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

**It takes real talent to run whilst riding a broom.**

"What do you know, Hargirid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

**I thought Hagrid was the groundskeeper? But then again, this is **_**Hargirid**_**, a totally different person to Hagrid.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

**How is this relevant?**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

**Don't have what?**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

**Loopin is having a totally different conversation with himself. And what the hell is '**_**triumelephantly**_**'?Does it have something to do with elephants?**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

**I haven't really had any experience with drinking blood before so you might want to explain**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook._  
_

**Doing what?**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him.

I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

**I suggest you drink his blood.**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air.

Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!"

**EVERYONE LOVES EBONY!**


	13. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

* * *

_AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!_

**But Hargrid said last chapter that he WAS in love with Ebony! And who the hell is Sedric?**

_I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. __He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together._

**But you have a **_**wand**_**. What do you need a knife for?**

_"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire._

**HAIRgrid? Is that meant to be a pun?**

_He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites._

**His whites are red**

_I stopped. "How did u know?"_

_"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"_

**I don't see how that is relevant.**

_"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted._

_"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"_

**I thought Draco already committed suicide by slitting his wrists? And Voldemort has him **_**bondage**_**?**

_Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too._

**HAHRID?**

_They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz._

**Then why the hell were they let back in the school?**

_Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them._

**He pooped the cideo camera out? Sweet Jesus...**

_Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses._

_"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses._

_"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik._

**I don't recall.**

_"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."_

_"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses._

**But he already said that they weren't roses...**

_"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently._

**Yes, it is still spelled wrong.**

_"Whatever!" I yelled angirly._

**Now you're now having a conversation with yourself!**

_He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! ._

**What's up with all the unnecessary capitalization?**

_"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely._

_"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"_

**Are you trying to speak Latin or something?**

_And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. Now I knew he wasn't a prep._

**The black flame was black.**

_"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"_

_Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing._

_"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"_

**Huh?**

_"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back._

'**dUMBLydore'?**

_Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"  
_

**So, Dumbledore's French cousin, Dumbledorée is now in the room with them? Am I right?**

_Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss._

**Believe it or not, that entire paragraph was just describing what gothic shit she was changing into.**

_"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time._

**Putting on sunglasses isn't going to stop people perving on you**

_I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures._

**Hair of Magical Creatures? I don't recall **_**that**_** being a subject in Hogwarts...**

_He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff._

**And no one is stopping him?**

_"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way._

_We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other._

_"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else._

**THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE IF EVERYONE WAS WATCHING YOU?**

_"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily._

**But you jumped on him too!**

_Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites._

_"NO!" I ran up closer._

_"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted._

_"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"_

**Wait...isn't this just a repetition of what happenned a few paragraphs ago?**


	14. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13**

* * *

_AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!_

**I don't think we need to know about your private life...**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

**Dumbledore Dumblydore? Is that his full name?**

_"_What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

**Sounds like something Professor McGoggle would say.**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

**DRACO DIED ALREADY!**

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away.

**What kind of a headmaster is Dumbledore if he doesn't give a damn if his students are being held bondage by Voldemort?**

Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

**How exactly did you know that he had a brainstorm?**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"

It was…... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...Voldemort!

**Allah? So now Voldemort is Muslim?**


	15. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

* * *

_AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!_

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

**I think I can handle it, considering what I had to go through to get to this chapter in the first place.**

We ran to where Volcemort was.

**Volcemort? Voldemort's Italian counterpart?**

It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

**Who the hell is Snaketail?**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "EbonyIloveyouwiluhave sexwith me." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

**Bah!**

"Huh?" I asked.  
"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around.

**That's a bit more than I would have expected from a guy who just got stabbed.**

Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort.

**He's dying, that's what.**

Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us.

**Pricilla, Queen of the Desert!**

So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw.

**But I thought Draco was dead!**

He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco.

**Clearly, the only slut here is Ebony.**

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked.

**Correction: They took a video of you naked **_**with**_** clothes on.**

Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

**"DAMMIT! I HATE BEING A MARY SUE!"**


	16. Chapter 15

_A/N:_

_I'm currently in the process of reformatting this entire thing to make it look neater._

* * *

**CHAPTER 15**

* * *

_AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!  
_

**How exactly is that going to be a threat to us?**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key.

**Wait, weren't you in your room to start with?**

It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

**Only they don't have Biology in Hogwarts**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out.

**Seriously, we don't **_**care**_** what crap you put on your body.**

Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar.

**Yes. That sounds exactly like advanced biology.**

_Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!_

**WHAT**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!).

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them.

**How do you stick up your middle finger to someone while your holding someone's hands at the same time?**

"I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether.

**Shouldn't everyone be at class as well?**

Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

**So you just randomly went to a concert and skipped school?**


	17. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

* * *

_AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!_

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother.

**"True ones" apart from the fact that Draco is getting turned on by another guy.**

I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched.

**While moshing?**

We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!

'**Volsemort and da Death Dealers'****? Sounds like another crappy gothic band.**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"

**I think you forgot that Volsemort is still there.**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what.

**What? I don't know what ****you-know-what**** is!**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?"

**Okay, I am seriously lost now.**

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.

**Does Draco have nothing better to do with his life other than sing random Good Charlotte songs to Ebony?**

I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

**He flattened you with his singing? Was it really that terrible?**

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

**I have no doubt that Ebony is the queen of multitasking.**

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese).

**I don't speak Japanese, but I'm pretty sure that was NOT Japanese.**

"BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

**They don't have maths in Hogwarts**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly.

**Kawai? Enrgtically? Lethrigcly? What language are you speaking?**

"Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."

**So, Lupin is now a bisexual, necrophiliac, poser prep pervert?**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

**Given the fact that her friend just got murdered, Ebony is taking this very lightly.**

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."

**Many people tend to nod '****ENREGeticALLlY****'**

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

**Your head 'snaped' up? Snape? What the hell?**

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"

**Yes.**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.

**If you didn't know about the stores beforehand, how could you have told B'loody Mary about these stores?**

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

**How the hell did he know they were real Goths?**

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

**Snap and Loopin are Goths? What?**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

**Why do any of us care what crap you were wearing at that moment?**

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"

**TARA? It just shows that the author is getting confused between her real life and her weird fantasy.**

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

**Tom Rid? As in Tom Riddle? Voldemort? WHAT**

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!"

**But he didn't even say anything! It must be ****you**** who is the sick perv here...**

I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"

**Oh, here comes Hagrid's twin brother again.**


	18. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17**

* * *

_AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!_

**Maybe if your story wasn't so badly written, people won't flame it.**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual).

**Is everyone bisexual?**

Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily.

**I think you should listen to him. Considering all the random crap that goes on in your life, you should really go back to Hogwarts.**

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

**More unnecessary description of your gothic clothes.**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola.

**Dracola? Is that a new novelty drink?**

Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires.

**WHY IS EVERYONE A FUCKING VAMPIRE?**

They dyed in a car crash.

**But you said vampires couldn't die!**

Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now.

**We heard.**

Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him.

**Oh my bad. I thought that Draco's dad was named Lucius but Ebony says that his name is Lucian. Clearly, Ebony is the correct one here.****  
**

We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps.

**Basically, you made out while making fun of people. How do you do that?**

We soon got there….I gapsed.

**Got where?**

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!

**Tara, considering that Vlodemort and da Death Deelers appeared the last time you went to an MCR concert, shouldn't you stop going to these concerts?**

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"

**I think Vlodemort is trying to make himself sound evil by speaking in faux Elizabethan English but really he is just making himself sound like a twat.**

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife.

**What's the point of being Voldemort if you're not even going to kill people with your wand?**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!

**Dumblydore doesn't really have good taste in music**


	19. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18**

* * *

_AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!_

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

**WHO THE FUCK CARES?**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)

**Once again, WHO CARES?**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

**Bands have their own personal pastors?**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets.

**Seriously, no one fucking cares about what you and your retarded friends wear.**

Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

**He died his hare?**

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!"

**Wearing what? His Avril Lavigne t-shirt?**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

**That was random**

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted.

**But Dumbledore is like, 100. He must have a pretty long life if he's having his mid-life crisis at 100 years old.**

I was so fucking angry.

**Yeah, for absolutely no fucking reason.**


	20. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19**

* * *

_AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11_

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.

**But it's been postphoned!**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive. I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)

**You can ramble on for ages about what gothic crap you're wearing but when it comes to actual plot, your powers of description fail.**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled.

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.

**WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, TARA?**

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

**Exactly what I was thinking.**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?"

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u."

**I bet that when you all get to the concert, MCR aren't really MCR but are really Vlodemort and the Death Dealers in disguise**


	21. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20**

* * *

___AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz._

**Transylvania? That's a pretty long way to go just for a 3 day holiday.**

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots.

**Compact boots don't sound very comfortable...**

MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one.

**How many concerts do MCR have in one week?**

I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.

**Why the hell are they still allowed in the school?**

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily.

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.

"Fuker." He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1

** What's up with the fucking ellipses? There are about a million periods in that.**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me.

**Yeah, I find Ludacris' rap music a bit idiotic myself.**

Dobby ran away crying.

**I don't blame him.**

Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

**He did, idiot.**

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them.

U could see that they were naked and everything.

**No shit, Sherlock.**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

**Well, by 'doing it' in the middle of a hall, they should have seen it coming.**

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork.

**I'm sure Dumbledore appreciates his nickname**

So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it.

**They ran after you with no clothes on but you threw a scab at them and then tripped? What?**

Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

**I'm pretty sure "****where'd"**** is not short for anything.**

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum."

**Um.**

Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"

**Er.**

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him.

**Either '****dogfather****' is a really bad pun, or you really suck that badly at spelling. Personally, I think it is the latter, considering you can't even spell Black correctly.**

The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.

**I'm pretty sure non-matching license plates are illegal.**

…... ... ... ...I gasped.

**Again with the ellipses.**

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing. Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

**It takes a lot of talent to make out and mosh at the same time.**

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. …...And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.

**Why is Draco always around when Vampire and Ebony are together?**


	22. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER 21**

* * *

_AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!_

**_Dracula_ wasn't actually filmed in Transylvania...**

Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice.

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way.

**So, he was trying to kill himself while running?**

I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.

**I thought that we established the fact that Draco has already committed suicide.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better.

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face.

**BUCKET HEAD!**

I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)

**I'm pretty I'm not a homosexual communication device**

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked.

**What a stupid question. Obviously there is someone under the cloak if you can see the fucking cloak!**

Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

**Great timing.**

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other.

**What happened to Vampire? Did he just disappear or something?**

Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1

**Unless you were blind, you would obviously see something that was happening RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU**


	23. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22**

* * *

_AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1_

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic.

**'Misery of Magic'? But, didn't you call it the 'Mystery of Magic' in the last chapter? Or is this a completely different organization that has also decided to walk in on Ebony at a completely inconvenient time?**

Well anyway, I woke up the next day.

**So, what you're telling me is that nothing of any significance happened between the time that the Misery of Magic walked in on you, and when you woke up? THAT YOU MADE ME SIT THROUGH PARAGRAPHS OF INSIGNIFICANT BULLSHIT FOR NOTHING?**

I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!

I opened my crimson eyes. Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once.

**WHO CARES? WHO FUCKING CARES?**

Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too.

**Jenny? Who is Jenny?**

She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle.

**So, Crab and Goyle, who I am assuming are both male, are also wearing 'ripped gothic black dresses with ripped stuff all over them and lace-up top things and black pointy boots'? Good lord...**

It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor.

**BUT I THOUGH THAT VAMPIRES COULD BE KILLED BY SLITTING THEIR WRISTS ARGH**

He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism.

**Damn. Stan must be one lucky bastard to have a religion named after him...whoever Stan is...**

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said.

**We know.**

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.

**So you want her to go down in no clothes?**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective."

**Pardon me?**

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow.

**Hal sure is a great guy! But that widow...not sure about her**

A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork.

**I'm sure he appreciates the nickname.**

Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

**Alzheimer's isn't dangerous. And you don't need to retry it either.  
**  
"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."

**Wow. We never would have guessed...  
**  
Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... I gasped.

**Again with the retarded ellipses! Ellipses only have three dots. Three. Not ten, not twenty. THREE!**


	24. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER 24**

* * *

_AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!_

**You got ten-thousand _flames_. FLAMES.**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!"

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes.

**Because morbid jokes are so damn funny!**

They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup.

**Hardcore.**

Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother.

**Lads, you do realize that weapons are not allowed on the Hogwart's grounds? Stop shooting at each other before some innocent preppy poser gets hurt!**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1"

**I believe privies were invented for just that purpose...**

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv)

**But I wasn't thinking anything!**

They started to fight and beat up each other.

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe.

**Noseless man is noseless.**

All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart.

**So, the glass broke after he flew through the window?**

Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort!

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice.

**"I AM YOUR FATHER!"**

"Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!"

**Draco has already been killed before! If he is still alive, I think you should stop trying to kill him because it's not working.**

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.

**What a wide range of options you have there!**

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me.

**Look, if Draco is the one who is about to be killed, the shouldn't you and Vampire 'contort' him instead?**

Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up.

**Her eyes rolled up and she randomly started having visions and yelling. THAT'S NOT BEING ALRIGHT!****  
**  
"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.

"No its not!" I shouted angrily.

**But you just said everything was alright!**

Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!"

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went.

**I hope those visions foretell your gruesome death**


	25. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24**

* * *

_AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help!_

Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese.

**Sounds pretty English to me.**

She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick.

**How?**

She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. (hr mom woz a vampire. She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong.

**Ah, yes. The pastors of a new religion, founded off the principles of Emily the Strange's long lost, body-building sister, Emily the Strong.**

I raced my hand. I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it.

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?"

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks.

**I don't think they were giving you weird looks for just THAT reason**

I gave them the middle finger. "Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"

"Ho about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3."

**No.**

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die.

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

**I love the new merchandise that Congress has put out.**

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." said Proffesor Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving.

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited.

**Looks like you _displayed_ that pretty well! Geddit, geddit?**


	26. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER 25**

* * *

_AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1_

**Ooh. Betting with this 'Justin' sounds quite exiting! So, what are we betting on?  
**

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork.

**Is a 'heroin cabaret' a kind of drug-induced dance that involves cutlery?**

He started to fly the car into a tree.

**Did you die?**

We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

**Dammit.**

"And all the things that you never ever told me  
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently.

**Look, I'm all for making your plain clothes look snazzier, but putting tiling mosaic on your clothes seems a bit far fetched...**

He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.

**I don't know what. Explain please.**

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep.

**Was he that boring?**

I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

**Is this the Flintstones or something? Where people use their feet to power their cars?**

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.

**I thought that your eyes were crimson? Oh well. We can throw that fact out the bloody window now!  
**  
I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile.

**He WHAT?**

Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111

**Draco's supposed dad and Vampire's dog-father were shot in a DREAM. Why do you take it so seriously?**


	27. Chapter 26

**CHAPTER 26**

* * *

_AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11  
_

**I'm not a prep! I'm in secondary school!**

A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree.

**What did he mutate into to get up the tree?**

He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

**Actually, I'm pretty sure Michael Jackson was white before he died...**

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob.

**Only you Ebony...Tara...whatever, the queen of multitasking, could flirt while bawling her eyes out. That takes skill.**

Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.

"Oh fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that!"

**Did what?**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor."

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face.

**"King Dumblydor, sire! Are dads have been shot!"**

"Enoby had a vision in a dreem."

Dubleodre started to cockle.

"Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?"

**Because she's perfectly intact.**

I glared at Dumbledore.

"Look motherfucker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter).

**Yes.**

"U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!"

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." I said.

**Longdon? Is that in China?**

I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff.

**Unimportant stuff.**

After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1

**And the climax of this chapter is...where, exactly?**


	28. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER 27**

* * *

_AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111_

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them.

**No, the people who rescued them saved them. You just stood around doing NOTHING.**

Drako, Lucian, Serious bond Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine.

"Cum on Enoby." said Proffesor Sinatra. She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it and fuking black platinum boots.

**That was not a good image...**

"I have to tell you the fucking perdition."

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded.

**Seems like everyone except me understands what the hell is going on.**

I smelled happily and went into a dark room.

**How does one smell happily?**

I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said… "Tara, I see drak times are near." She said badly. She peered into da balls. "You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?"

**Apparently, Voldemint, Volxemort and Voldemort are all the same person.**

I shook my head. "U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin.

**You did what?**

I went outside again sadly.

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and Boldy Mary?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there.

**Which is why you should tell them now!**

They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond.

**Slash alert!**

Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him.

**How can they be wearing the HIM sign on their hands if they have not heard of HIM? DURR HURR WHAT'S LOGIC?**

Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises.

**WEASLY'S WIZARD WHEEZES**

I put on my Invisibility coke with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether.

**Where you all will eventually be murdered in a dark alley. You'd probably like that anyway.**


	29. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER 28**

* * *

_AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111_

We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them.

**Black room is black.**

A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard hand on mine.

**Vampir, you're such an alabastard!**

He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it.

**Cool story, bro.****  
**  
"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. "The problem is….I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him.

"Itz okay Eboby." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly.

Then… I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants.

**In front of everyone? You know, he could get arrested for that.**

He was hung lik a stallone.

**What exactly is Stallone hung like?**

He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

**As opposed to _actively_ doing it...**

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly….

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"

**Took the words right out of my mouth.**

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111

**11111111111111111111!**


	30. Chapter 29

_A/N:_

_Okay, so I haven't been able to upload more chapters for this in a while because a) I had school, and b) the website where I found the full, unedited atrocity that is My Immortal was down. I've found another website so...LET THE FUN CONTINUE!_

* * *

**CHAPTER 29**

* * *

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily.

**Oh silly Snap. You can't shoot at someone angrily!**

"CUM NOW!1!" Preacher McGongel yielded.

**Ahem.**

We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.

**Since when was there any caramel in this damn story?**

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily.

**How dare you steal Vampire Potter's confectionary!**

"Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes.

**Longley? Or_ Langley_, that random guard from TES:Oblivion?**

"Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. So give back da camera!1111"

**I don't think Dumbledore appreciates being called a whore. But then again, this story is already screwed up, so who cares?**

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly.

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).

**Eh?**

I started to cry tearz of blood _(it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1)_.

**Not only does it happen in _"Vampir Kroniklz" _but there's also this kid in India who can do that kind of freaky stuff too.**

Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.

And then….. he and Snoop both took out guns using magic.

**If they can do magic, why do they have guns? Ah, screw it.**

They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand.

"Crosio!" I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets.

**Go to a ballet school to refill.**

I STOPPED DA CURSE. Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Snake."

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111

**We're already twenty-nine chapters into this crapfest of a story, and I still have no idea what the fuck is going on!**


	31. Chapter 30

_A/N:_

_Who wants to bet on how long I can keep commentating on this thing before I drop dead? _

* * *

**CHAPTER 30**

* * *

_AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111_

"No!11" we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then… he came tords Darko!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle.

**If the only thing keeping Draco in this weird Satanic circle are a couple of rocks and a tea-light, why doesn't he just walk out? Oh wait, he's retarded.**

"What the fuck r u doing!" I shooted arngrily.

**That's what I've been asking since the beginning of this story**

Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!

**His...leg?**

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

"U must stab Vrompire." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1"

**EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORYYYYYYYYYYYYY!**

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded.

**Yeah, I don't like rap much either.**

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard.

**Looking angular doesn't look sexy. What is wrong with you?**

But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive.

**This happens a million times in this story. If I recall correctly, everyone has died at least once.**

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire.

**JUST ESCAPE YOU DUMB BASTARDS.**

Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape.

**JUST ESCAPE.**

"Dumbeldork will get u!" Draco shooted.

**USE YOUR LEGS AND WALK OUT OF THIS YOURSELF.**

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

**IF YOU ESCAPE, THE "MYSTERY" WON'T HAVE TO FIND OUT.**

"You ridiculus dondderhed!111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him….

**IF YOU HAD ESCAPED EARLIER, THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED.**

"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming. Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. I stopped doing crucio.

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came.

**Aren't Snape and Serverus the same person?**

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." he lied.

**Yeah, what NOT to do in a Satanic ritual/rape situation.**

But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go."

**Well, that was a quick resolution: two sentences. A world record!**


	32. Chapter 31

_A/N:_

_With sheer willpower alone (and a couple of drinks to forget the last chapter), I finally mustered up the strength to keep reading this atrocity. I plan to fight my way through battle and emerge victorious over Tara Gilesbie._

* * *

**CHAPTER 31**

* * *

_AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin ebony a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111_

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111)." Serious said 2 Snape.

**Snape, you sun of bitca! How dare you emit solar energy!  
**  
"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed.

"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some blak Volremortserum out of my poket and gave it to Serverus.

**What the hell is Volremortserum?**

He made Snap dirnk it. He did arngrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes.

**Secretes? Erm...**

Lucian took Vampure and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store.

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry.

"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick.

**WE DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES! YOU STUPID SUN OF A BITCA!**

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said.

"Fangs." I said.

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." said Proffesor Sinister.

"U will have to do it in a few sessionz." She gave me a blak gun. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. "After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted. Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive.

**How the hell did you fit into a "Pensive"?**

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was….Tom Bombodil!1111

**Tom Bombadil? Oh, of course! I've always felt that Middle Earth had too many Hobbitses, and not enough 'goffs' for Tom Bombadil's liking. Obviously, midgets with cursed rings freeloading at his house pushed him over the edge.**

* * *

_A/N:_

_I'm afraid I won't be updating any of my stories very often because of these stupid exams I have to concentrate on my exams. If any kind souls wish to alleviate my pain and suffering, please leave a review. At least it will make my sleepless nights more enjoyable and I won't consider going insane like Tara here._


	33. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER 32**

* * *

_AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111_

**That's because his name isn't "Tom Bodil". It's Tom Bombadil.**_  
_

"Hi." I said flirtily. "Im Enoby Way da new student." I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.

"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam"

**Sorry, my mistake. His name is actually Tom SATAN Bombadil! Fucking hell...**

We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan…..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.

**My god, I didn't realize that the members of Green Day are really Time Lords!**

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. "actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s)

**The members of Good Charlotte are Time Lords too? The plot thickens...**

"omg me too!" I replied happily.

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." satan whispered.

"hogsment?" I asked.

"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." he told me all sekrtivly. "and theres a really cool shop called Hot-"

**Wait... how did he know that "hogsment" would be later be called Hogsmeade? Shiiiiiiiiiiit**

'topic!" I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned.

**OMFFGGGGGG THEY'RE ALL TIME LORDS**

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me. "so is dumblydor your princepill?" I shouted.

**Yes. Dumblydor is their princepill.**

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "im in slitherin'"

"OMfG SHME TOO!" I SHRIEDKED.

"u go to this skull?" (geddit cos im goffick) he asked.

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED HAPPili.

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. "STUPID GOFFS!"

**Shredding what at you?**

satan rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine and we're not preps."

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord."

**SATAN, YOU ARE THE BARKE LORD**

"wtf?" he asked angrily.

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly.

then suddenlyn…. the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly."

"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell.

**Of course. A giant hole appears in the floor and someone falls into god-knows-where, and Satan's first reaction is to ask you "where u r goin".**

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said.

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik.

**She's disrupted the Space-Time Continuum!**

sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?"

"um." I looked at her.

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that."

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok.

professor sinster looked sad. "um I was drinking voldemortserum." she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn't know about them.

**If you're crying black tears, you should probably see a doctor. On the other hand, "Black Tears of Depression" sounds like a killer goffick rock album name.**

"hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum."

**Just chill. Limpid tears are normal. However, if you're crying "black tears of depression", then I think YOU might be addicted to Voldemortserum.**

_AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112_

**LOL**


	34. Chapter 33

**CHAPTER 33**

* * *

_AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don't lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1_

**Tara, I suggest you ask for help from someone who isn't lobotomized. They're not doing a very good job.**

"Oh my fuking god!1" I shooted sadly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's, bitch?"

"Hel no!" she said. "Lizzen Egogy, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson 4 sum help?"

**While you're at it, can you please ask the Tom Anderson of the past to ban inept "goffick" kids from joining Myspace? If he had done that, then maybe Myspace would't be deserted enough to film a Western.**

"Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Draco was there!111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas.

**Panamas? I've heard that South American fashion is becoming a hit in the West.**

"Hey Sexxy." I said.

"How'd it go Enoby?" he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.

"Fine." I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.

"How far did u go wif Satan?" Drako asked jealously.

"Not 2 far, lol." I borked.

"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily.

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.

**You shouted at him and then you shot him. And he STILL has the energy to french? Shit, that's some endurance he's got.**

"What happened 2 Snipe?" I growled.

"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door…Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a blak nife.

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically.

**Statistics statistically show that 100% of people named Tara Gilesbie are retarded.**

I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued.

**Torque? As in the twisting force that causes objects to rotate? That sounds painful.**

(ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz).

**I lost you there.**

We took sum of Snipe's blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. _(if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111)_.

**AND FUK U TOO!111**

I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on 'desolition liverz' by MCR. Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez.

**Right after you took the effort to put them on...**

I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.

"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

"I luv u TaEbory." he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.

**TaEbory? Tara, are you getting yourself confused with your own fictional character?**


	35. Chapter 34

**CHAPTER 34**

* * *

_AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1_

**Tara! Me! Me! I've read the story!**_  
_

I wook up in da coffin de next day. Draco waz gone. I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…. Sorious cocked on da door. I hopened it.

**You "hopened" that Sorious "cocked" on the door? LOL**

"Hi Ibony." he said. "Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor's office."

"Ok." I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily.

"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic way. "They r in Abkhazian now, lol."

**Sorious sure loves his statistics.**

I laughed evilly.

"Where r Draco and Vampira?" I muttered.

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day." Sodomize moaned sexily. "Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas."

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HIS FUCKING NAME IS SODOMIZE**

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic

( http/ She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.

**I don't think that's a valid url...**

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.

"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangz!"

And then….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson.

**Charlyn Manson? Marilyn Manson's long-lost twin brother?**

I noticed…he was drinking a portent.

**He was drinking a sign that something bad was going to happen?**

"Whose he!11" I asked.

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn." Satan said. "He's da Portents teacher…..Ebony?"

**Slutborn. Oh god, that's an unfortunate name.**

"Yah?" I asked.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat."

**This must be Marilyn Manson's new fitness awareness campaign.**

"Yah?"

"Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?"

**I will contort with you!**


	36. Chapter 35: gost of u

_A/N: I think the title of this chapter was named after some random song but who really gives a shit?_

* * *

**CHAPTER 35: GOST OF U**

* * *

_AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz._

I went in2 da Jew Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped…..Draco wuz there!111

**You were thinking of Satan in the Jew Room. How ironic**

I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

**Lonken Prak: Linkin Park's dyslexic counterpart**

"Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111" I gosped.

"Huh?" he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms.

**Did he even lose them?**

"Oh hi Lucian!1" I sed. "Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz."

"Yah Satan told me abot you." Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire's dad and…Snap! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. "Lizzen I'm in a goth band wif those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.

REALLY I ESKED.

"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums" he said ponting to him. "Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samraro, after Samara in da ring."

**Lusian plays a rainwater trough, a Thracian gladiator plays the drums, and Snap plays his supervisor. Seems legit.**

"Hey bastards." I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly.

"We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists."

**How did she "did by silting her rists" if she held suicide in contempt? Because fuck logic, that's why.**

"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1" I gasped.

"Its okay but we need a new led black person." Samaro said.

"Wel…..I said Im in a bnad myself."

**Yeah, but you're not a led black person. You don't qualify.**

"Rilly?" asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111

"Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?"

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) Gurn Day.

**Gurn Day: Green Day's face-pulling counterpart**

"I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz." I sang sexily _(I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song)_.. Every1 gasped.

"Enopby? Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap.

"Um….ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong to play tonight?"

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz….. Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.

**MORTY MCFLY? WHAT THE FUCK?**

"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked.

"I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby." he said siriusly Den….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and…... ... ... ... ...sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111


	37. Chapter 36

**CHAPTER 36**

* * *

_AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111_

**I'm not "srevinty yrz old"**_  
_

I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B'lody Mary, Socrates and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.

**NO! NOT YOU TOO, SOCRATES! GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!**

"OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111"

"Yah I no." Serious said sadly.

"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.

Hi fuker." I said. "Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I'm playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too."

"Oh my satan!1" (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) gasped B'lody Mary. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?"

"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.

"I can't fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow.

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also….sum luv potion 4 Enoby." Darko said resultantly.

"Well we have potions klass now." Willow said so let's go.

**How convenient!**

We went sexily to Potionz class.

**Fierce.**

But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was…Cornelio Fuck!11111

"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily.

"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. "Now do ur work!111"

**For shame, Ms. Fuck! How could you leave an old "week" man with "kancer" alone in some obscure Middle Eastern country?**

My friendz and I talked arngrily.

"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1" Vampire asked surprisedly.

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111"

He stomped out angrily.

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer.

**"And then they all got AIDS. The end."**

Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard.

"WTF is he doing?" I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly…"HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted.

**I think you might have ADHD**

I looked around….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.

**Strut that stuff.**

"God u r such a posr!1" I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was…Amnesia Portion!111

**Then don't fucking drink it!**


	38. Chapter 37

_A/N: It's been almost a year. No sign of intelligent life anywhere. Running short on supplies. Need assistance. Over._

* * *

**CHAPTER 37**

* * *

_AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11_

**End it...please!**

DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL

Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor.

"Oh mi fucking satan!11" Enoby said. She wuz so hot. "Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1"

**Actually, it wouldn't make him fall in love with you but would make him forget you ever existed (lucky man)**

"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata," said Vampire. "Why would u need it?"

**He's cheating on you with Tata!**

"To make everyfing go faster lol." said Enoby.

**How...?**

"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly.

**She probably will.**

"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, a fucking prep.

"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow.

**Yeah! Shut the fuk up!1**

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's room."

Draco, Ebory and I went to Profesor Siniater's room. But Profesor Sinister wasn't there. Instead Tom Rid was.

**I thought this was Profesor Trevolry's room?**

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez.

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said '666' on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset.

"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took da clothes in da bag.

"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.

"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge.

**Poor Dubledork. He's old, week, has kancer and he still has to deal with YOU.**

"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11"

Suddenly Dumblydore came.

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine!111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was…Profesor Slutborn's efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz…..Profesor Slutgorn!11

**Satanic symbols on a religious symbol. LOL**

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.

"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket.

"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn.

**Profesor Slutborn doesn't seem to care that you shouted at him.**

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.

**Silas Marner is an emo goff as well? Sheesh, that theft must have hit him pretty hard.**

"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Wheres Satan?"

"Oh he's cumming." said Serious.

**What.**

"BTW u can kall me Hades now." Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.

"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." I said and then I went with Satan.


	39. Chapter 38

**CHAPTER 38**

* * *

_AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111_

**I think you should take a break...**

Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car.

**Is it even legal to have someone else's plate number on your car?**

I went in it seduktivly. Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), kuttting, musik and being goffik.

"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)

**IT'S VOLXEMORT! QUICKLY! KILL HIM BEFORE HE RAPES SOMEBODY AGAIN!**

"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena." I said in a flirty voice. "….Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?"

"Well…" he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod.

**Do vampires even have blood?**

Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol. Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists.

**Don't get too excited. The killer isn't going to murder the boy and the girl, just the cereal.**

While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.

**WOAAAAAAH... PSYCHEDELIC!**

"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. "Enoby gess what?"

I new that the amnesia had worked.

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." He said. "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u."

**Why...?**

"Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly. And den…. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched.

**See? I predicted that this would happen.**

"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep.

"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly…. I attaked her suking all her blood.

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. Satan and I started to walk outside.

**You were so cute together that everyone simultaneously shit themselves.**

"Zomg how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.

"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car.

"Siriusly?" he gasped.

"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car.

**I see what you did there...**

I smelled happily.

**How?**

"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?"

**Only because you murdered an old lady in the cinema, causing everyone to run out screaming in terror.**

"Yah." I said as we kised passively.

**As opposed to kissing actively?**

Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.

"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.

"I wood like to peasant…..XBlakXTearX!11" he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag.

**They played their instilments while you got on a stag?**

"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation. "I'M NUT OKAY!1" I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?"

"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.

"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily.

"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1"

**Cum on, it waz a mistake guyzzzz!11!1!11**

"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro.

"U guys stop!11" I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife.

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm.

And den…I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11

"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.

**Did you die?**


	40. Chapter 39: I Am A Trolling Genious, lol

**CHAPTER 39: I AM A TROLLING GENIUS, LOLZ**

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX._

_AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh._

_And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."_

**Excuse me, I am trying to write a commentary on Tara's shitty story. Please go away.**

I, the American retail wearing british vampire Sue, coughed up blood.

Satan kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue."

Satan sobbed. "I love you Ebony."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, and every single gothic person she could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married.

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time.

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Ebony supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister.

Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.

Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."

/End Crap Fic.

**Are you done now?**

_AN/ Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:_

**Thank you.**_  
_

_AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111_

I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room.

"Oh mi satan wut happened!" I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded.

"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11" he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked.

**Volxemort! Is it because you didn't get to rape someone yet?**

Sudenly…. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.

"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary.

**Why is everyone so happy?**

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?" I gosped.

**No, you're fucking ALIVE.**

"Enoby u were almost shot!11" said Serious. "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time."

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

**When did he not have two arms?**

"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James.

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him." Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.

**Corps Bride: the touching story about an entire army division turning into zombies that all look like Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter.**

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.

"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1"

**'Hoes of Wax' sounds like a porno. Is it anything like 'Corps Bride'?**

I got up suicidally. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a black leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed with blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da message me ill tell u). I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

**I saw Obama wearing congress shoes once.**

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire.

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily.

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's.

**Wait...how does that even work- OHMYGODNOOOOOOO**

"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.

**Steak makes everything better.**

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.

**And you actually died? For real?**

_Sincerely,_

_An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P_

_A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains._

**Dude, you're more annoying than Tara.**


	41. Chapter 40: LOL! Someone has taken my

**CHAPTER 40: LOL! SOMEONE HAS TAKEN MY ACCOUNT OVER!**

* * *

_THE IDIOT'S NOTE: Well... this was in the doc area... might as well let the whole world see what the real Tara wanted to show us... Have a nice day!_

**Good. I hope you haven't added some of your stupid shit to this.**

_AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111_

I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room.

"Oh mi satan wut happened!" I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded.

"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11" he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked.

Sudenly…. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.

"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary.

**Wait. Is this the same as the last chapter?**

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?" I gosped.

"Enoby u were almost shot!11" said Serious. "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time."

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James.

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him." Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.

**Good lord. It's the same thing all over again, complete with references to Tim Burton war movies.**

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.

"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1"

I got up suicidally. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire.

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.

**I have to relive this shit again.**

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily.

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's.

"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.

_Idiot's Note: Ugh... I know... terrible... but then again, this wouldn't be called the 'worst fanfic ever if not for the fact that the writing standards meets the level of a day old fetus..._

**Shut the fuck up. Look what you've done. This shit is exactly the same as the last chapter. You've made me copy the wrong thing, you moron.**


	42. Chapter 41

**CHAPTER 41**

* * *

_AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updatin while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako. if u flame ill slit muh risztz!11 raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland._

**Yeah, that retard wrecked the sequence of your shitty story thus making me read it all over again. **

When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!1111 _(just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band 2 ok koz he is more old den panic? at da dizcko or mcr)_ der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.'

**No! Get away from The Beatles, Tara!**

"OMFG! Im back in Tim again!111" I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!11

**I actually don't know who is who anymore.**

"OMFG Enoby r u ok." He asked gothikally.

"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily. "OMG am I dedd?" koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111

I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.

**AAAAAAAAAGH.**

"No ur not dead." Satan reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. "Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Hairy's dad is doing."

I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. "WTF! James almust shot Luciious!" I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn't want him2 know I knew.

"Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress." Satan reasoned evilly.

**I'M under a lot of fucking stress!**

"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!11 He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don't 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. "Hey." He sed all qwietly and goffically.

**He's probably just some other innocent Harry Potter character you have canon-raped**

"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.

"Dis is…Hedwig!11" Sed Volximort. "He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.

**The owl?**

"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

**"Hoot"**

"Lol hi Enoby." He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!)

**TALKING ANIMALS?**

"Bye." I sed all sexily.

"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind but we broke up." Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.

**Bestiality!**

"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" I said fingering something I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem? dey kik azz!).

"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!1" I led them to da Great Hall. "Cum on u guys."

Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him.

"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" he shouted at him. "Drako is never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!1"

**Wait, if we are back in time, how do they know that Draco will exist? (HINT: It's because they're all Time Lords)**

"Yah go fuck urself Samaro!" Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.

"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! Now Vampire's dad wood never die and "OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out." I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.

"Kool." said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi.

"Oh my fukking god! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort's.

**His...glockenspiel?**

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame…Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!111111111111

**If Dumblydore and Mr. Norris had just knocked, then they wouldn't have gone blind (presumably). See kids? Always knock before you enter.**


	43. Chapter 42: da blak parade

**CHAPTER 42: DA BLAK PARADE**

* * *

_AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111_

**Snape kills Dumbledore.**

I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song.

**ALL of her songs are shitty.**

"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time.

"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, u jerk." Satan said.

"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly.

**Yeah, by hosting a "bisezual" orgy on the school campus**

"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled. "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall." He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.

**It's chonging because he chonged the song, moron.**

"You fucking poser." I muttoned.

"I bet you've never herd of GC." James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11

**The fuck?**

"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted.

"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily.

"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom.

**And everyone just ignores the iPod-Time Machine...**

"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously.

**Then expel them!**

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was…..Satan.

"You dunderheads!1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.

**Dumbledore, your wisdom never ceases to amaze me.**

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.

"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice.

"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." I told him.

"Kool what's an ipatch?" he whimpered.

"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." I yakked.

"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" he esked in his sexah voice.

"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly.

**WRONG**

"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." He triumphently giggled.

**How the hell is that a legitimate test?**

Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

"OMG you're fucking alive!" said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.

"Konichiwa, bitch." said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.

"Hey, motherfucker." Said Diabolo with his red hair. He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.

**Panic? At The Disco. Maybe you shouldn't.**

"Hey whose that, Ibony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.

"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.

Suddenly Satan started to cry.

"Are you okay Satan?" we asked concernedly.

"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked.

"No I still like you." I said sexily to him.

**You shouldn't.**

"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.

"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." I asked sadly.

**I don't recall anyone going to the Middle East.**

"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student." Trevolry said reassuredly.

"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep.

**Everyone hates her.**

"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.

"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum he was doing it with Snap?"

"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." she said.

**Didn't he already commit suicide before?**

"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" wiv dat I ran out.

"Good luck Tara!11" everyone cried.

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.

"You fucking bitch!111" I shouted angrily.

"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" she laughed.

"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.

**How exactly do you "selectively pontificate" something?**

"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" I yielded.

We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow. His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!1)"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.

"I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me."

"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously.

"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?" Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.

**Snarkled = snark + sparkle**

"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY.

"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily.

"OK." I argreed. Suddenly….all da lights in da room went out. And den….da Dork Mark appeared.

"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.

"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 I guess we shood separate."

"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.

**Aren't you ALREADY in the Great Hall?**


	44. Chapter 43

_A/N:_

_Everyone, this shit is almost over. There's only this chapter, and then one bloody more before this horror is at an end._

* * *

**CHAPTER 43**

* * *

_AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!111111 if u flam den fukk u!111_

**Well, fuck you too! I actually read your whole story.**

I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Draco was there! He sat der in deddly bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face.

"Draco are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm not okay." he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.

"Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked teardully.

"I-" Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room! They didn't see us.

"Im so glad we me and Snape were freed." said Loopin.

**Who's Snape again? Was he the guy with the Dork Mark who tried to "rap" Draco?**

"Dam, this job would be great if it wasn't 4 da fukking students!" Mr. Norris argreed.

**I second that.**

"Pop addelum!111" I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.

"Noooooooo!1" Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.

"You fukking perv." I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. "Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I'm gong 2 torture u!"

"I don't now where he is!1111" said Loopin. Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn't know who Satan was really.

**Neither do I.**

"Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!1" Vampire said. I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.

I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocksout except 4 me im a girl lol. "Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. "OMS!111" cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. Suddenly…..

**Enoby is the queen of multitasking, I see.**

….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!11

**And? So fucking what?**


	45. Chapter 44

_A/N:_

_This is actually the last chapter. FOR REAL. I'm so happy that this thing will finally be completed. It took me two years to soldier on through this abomination but this IS the last chapter. Hugs all around!_

* * *

**CHAPTER 44**

* * *

_AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak._

**But...but...I'm not "glamming" anything!**

"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz….Snape!

**We know.**

"I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads." he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!"

**YES! KILL HER!**

"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!"

**Actually, you DID have sex with him in "da Grate Hall". We all read about it in Chapter something-something**

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scarred!1 But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into… Voldemont!111

**Voldemont! It's Voldemort's slightly-more-French long-lost brother!**

"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!" Thunder came in da room.

**Great observation there, Voldemont except EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW WHO SHE WAS**

"No plz don't kill us!" pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

**To the Batmobile!**

"What is da meaning of dis?" Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

**So...he flew through the roof? I mean, he would have actually had to fly through that GIGANTIC STONE ROOF in the Great Hall if he was going to fly above it.**

"Oh my goth!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly.

**BUT ALL OF THEM DIED AT LEAST ONCE ALREADY**

"You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.

"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!" screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

**"Cruciatus" is NOT a four-letter word for dirt**

"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with

**With who?**

"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton." He laughed meanly.

**Not really. If they kill you, then there would be no one around to show "doze cideos" to anyone**

"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11"

"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.

**Yeah, whats she talking abott?**

"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry shouted angrily.

**WE KNOW**

"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared.

"Foolish ignoramuses!" yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon."

**Dye what soon? Fabric?**

"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.

"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!111" I shouted despariedrly.

**Espero que todos mueren!**

"Acco Nevel's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil's wind was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111"

**Voldrimort, you have a gun. You don't need a wand.**

He maid lighting come all over da place.

"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledark cried.

**DON'T SAVE THEM!**

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.

**And...what? What? WHAT? Fuck you, Tara! It's the last bloody chapter and you've left us at a cliff-hanger! NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW IF EVERYONE DIED OR NOT (I HOPE THEY DID)! ****DAMN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!**

* * *

_A/N:_

_So that's it. The final chapter of the worst FanFiction ever written, 'My Immortal", has been completed. And it's a fucking cliff-hanger. Don't expect anything new from Tara soon. She hasn't completed her crapfiction in years. I'm assuming that the reason behind this is because she was tragically__ killed during_ her trip to "dubya" and will never, ever be able to update her abomination of a story ever again (fortunately).

_Everything's finished. Two years of work on this thing have paid off, and it's finally finished. I'll probably just go back and revise this thing for formatting mistakes. Anyway, you, dear reader, and I have been through ups and downs trying to figure out what the fuck Tara is saying, and trying not to lose any more IQ points than necessary in order to understand this. Surprisingly, I'm actually willing to do another commentary on another piece of well-known crapfiction._

_DO YOU HAVE A CRAPFICTION THAT YOU WANT COMMENTATED?_

_If so, send in your requests to me through a review, and PM me the link to the crapfiction (or send an email with a copy of the original crapfiction attached). I will make a commentary on ANY kind of crapfiction. Just make sure that it's relatively well-known, and lengthy enough (so nothing as short as Peter Chimaera's stories) to do a commentary on._

_Adios!_


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